Let’s assume you’ve made it as far as setting up your profile and have narrowed down your selections to a few potential online dating matches. You’ve already sent out a catchy email as instructed in the previous lesson, and now you’re at the point where you’re waiting for a response from those to whom you’ve sent messages. Your next goal should be to get a real live date in person.
Accepting that you cannot rush this process, you should- for your own safety- follow a prescribed process for ‘getting to know’ someone before you leap into an actual date. This method has proved effective time and time again, and is a logical and practical method for getting to know someone at a comfortable pace, while allowing you to continue to make progress in your relationship without exposing yourself to unnecessary risks:
1. Get a Response- If you get a response at all and your picture has already been disclosed, then you’re already about 80% of the way there, good going. If you haven’t disclosed your picture, then there’s still a potential dealbreaker in the midst, so go ahead and provide that sooner rather than later.
2. Send 2-5 Emails back and forth to get to know each other, and establish a level of comfort that warrants a phone call; Any more than 5 email exchanges without proceeding to a phone call is starting to get tedious, and if you’re both really interested in getting to know each other better, a phone call is in order. Not a bad idea to share a few more pictures to really make sure you find each other attractive at this point, rather than avoid the topic until a face to face meeting.
3. You may also introduce IM, webcam, or other chat tools at this point. I personally don’t have the patience to get to know someone through one-liners, and it’s not as easy to really express yourself and get to know someone in chat, though some disagree.
4. Initial Phone Call- Initiating the phone call traditionally falls on the guy’s shoulders, which means that guys are going to have to both muster up the courage to request a girl’s phone number, and then get up the nerve to actually call her. It’s not a bad idea to offer to give her a call if she’ll send you her phone number, but remember to mention that if she’s uncomfortable sending her personal phone number over the Internet she can call you at a number provided. This way she won’t feel rushed, and will likely appreciate the consideration you’ve shown.
5. The Phone Call- This can be one of the most mind-torturing phases of getting to know someone, especially if they don’t pick up the phone when you call. Since you have some confidence in knowing that they are interested in you, you need not be so bold as to leave a message if your nerves get flustered, but you should go ahead and follow up with a short email saying you called and they didn’t pick up. If they want you to be the one to make the call, as some girls I know simply will not call a guy back, they will instruct you to do so by email or otherwise will call you back.
6. DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES call again and again- it will only annoy and dissuade your potential mate from ever wanting to contact you again if you blow it by trying to hunt them down.
7. The sole purpose of the phone call(s) is to establish a real live date- if geographically feasible. This should come at the end of the first lengthy phone conversation- disregarding any quick conversations initiated while one party is busy or in the middle of something. Guys, you’re probably going to have to be the one to step up and formally ask for a date, but girls should also assume that guys dating online might be a little shy at asking girls out in person, or they wouldn’t be dating by email in the first place. Assuming the conversation has gone well, this should be a shoe-in, but if you get the sense that your mate is still a little tentative about meeting in person, then you’ll have to lay off and accept that they still need more time to get to know you.
Just to get you started, here’s a list of location suggestions for your first date:
- Get coffee
- Get ice cream
- Go ice skating
- Go bowling
- Play mini-golf
- Go Karts
Now that you’ve set up the Date, get ready for an exciting and potentially thrilling time by brushing off on a few Date Strategies to keep your date fun without exposing yourself to a nightmare experience.