Searching for love on the Internet, is like casting your line out into a massive sea and trying to catch a only one specific kind of fish; while the odds may seem insurmountable, with the right bait and in the right location, you stand a pretty good chance of reeling in something edible, and maybe even the catch of your dreams. Following this metaphor, your profile is your bait, and the dating site you choose to joins is your sea, but remember, you’re also trying to be someone else’s fish at the same time, so you likewise better know which sea to swim in and how to find the sweetest bait.
Using the Search function is your means of casting a net out into the ocean of potential suitors and once you’ve narrowed down your list to a few initial choice selections, you’re ready to focus on reeling in your catch. For serious dating, let’s ignore the ‘wink’ tool entirely, as it is really meant as an introductory mechanism to lend some functionality to the site for people who are testing it out, and used as a hook for free members to encourage others to pay to sign up in order to initiate a real contact. This tool might work for women, and guys are often willing to pay up just to contact a hot lead who has simply signed up for a free account and sent out a teaser message- beware though, I suspect some sites know this and hire girls to send out these intriguing notes to generate signups. Guys can’t really get away with this technique for two reasons; one, it makes your look cheap; two, girls don’t pay for romance- they expect guys to do this for them.
So let’s discuss some strategies for the initial email, or more comprehensively, how you’re going to use the initial email to eventually get you a date.
The Introductory email should convey and address each the following points (you’re going to have to come up with your own words, but this will get you started):
a) I think you’re unique and special because…
Without getting sappy or doting, give a few compliments about what you find personally attractive about your desired match. Focus on the things you know about the person from their profile: if they though it was important enough to mention, then it’s probably something they are proud of, and people love being told they are cool, especially if it’s something they take pride in.
b) We are compatible because…
Don’t tell them you loved them at first sight or that you know you were made for each other- no matter how much information a person has provided in their profile, they’re going to assume you’re a psycho if you come on to strongly. Instead, make a general comment about how you are similar to your potential match, and use it to boast about something you find attractive about yourself:
Example: “I think it’s really cool that you love swimming- I surf myself, and love taking swims in the ocean when the waves aren’t big enough for surfing”
c) I’d really like to introduce myself to you and it would make me happy if you’d respond to my personal email address here:
Don’t be dissuaded if they respond via the matching site at first, and don’t press the issue either- using the dating site’s email is fine, though sharing personal emails is a symbolic gesture of acceptance and trust. The purpose of this message is to produce what advertisers would refer to as a “call to action”, which is proven to motivate people to actually follow through with your desired action- in this case, getting a response.
A few other notes:
- Don’t write a novel, keep it to under 500 words at most- you can write more in subsequent emails if warranted by a response from your match
- Don’t use a form email: it is very obvious and boarder line insulting
- Take your time and express yourself clearly
- Don’t discuss money or income: it’s crass and can only make you look like a materialistic person whether you have money or want to know if someone else is well off.
- Go ahead and mention their attractive looks as a compliment, but don’t overly focus on this characteristic, as it can be both assumed by the fact that you’ve contacted them, and can otherwise be construed as being shallow.
Even if you’re just out to get laid, following this advice will let on that you are a sensitive and caring guy, and if deployed properly will get you noticed; which is the first step to sleeping with a new potential partner.
Once you’ve sent off the Initial Email, you will have to wait for a response before you can continue, so send off a few more emails to other potential targets, and get ready to set yourself up for Getting a Real Date.